Writings from behind the Pine Curtain

God, I’m sick

My thoughts after reading “God, Where is the Wound?” by Schemanun Siluana Vlad

Drawing closer to God can be painful as we are all suffering from sin. Mother Siluana talks about giving our pain and suffering to God so we can be healed. In the world, what I thought was dealt with or what I thought was healed, the past trauma that I’ve gone to therapy for, the anxiety, the listlessness I suffer, going off and on medication; has not been healed, but only to find it has grown stronger and taken root in my being. God has a way of showing us our buried diseases. The world’s remedy, or at least in my opinion, today’s age of dealing with diseases of the soul is to cover them up, pretend they don’t exist and we learn to bury and hide the pain, drown our sadness in alcohol, numb our emotions with SSRIs, Benzodiazepines, seek meaning in mushrooms, acid, DMT, etc. We bury the corpses of our past and seal the tomb with addiction, consumption and hedonism.

We have patterns by which we remember our emotions, and even if ten percent of the pattern applies to the current situation, we enter into that emotional state! This inability of people to break away from pain and suffering stems from the fact that they have never known a pleasure greater than the one offered by the devil.

-Mother Siluana

Six feet deep and a barbed wire fence as assurance in case anyone decides to venture down that way, lest they smell the stench of our disease. No one can go in, not even ourselves, so we continue to lie, buy, perfume and decorate our bodies to portray outward perfection and happiness. We gossip, post our triumphs on <insert any social media app here> and soak in the satisfaction from the envy of others. Yes we have it together, on our own, we need no one, we are whole.

Then there comes the times when the truth of it all seeps in and the sun highlights our burial ground and the smell is so overpowering that we realize we cannot go on this way. We feel alone in our suffering, and find it difficult to share any grief with anyone else, we fear others’ judgement and condemnation. If we let go of our pride then that’s when we reach out to God, to Christ, because deep down it’s too much for us to bear, we cannot heal ourself nor anyone else in that matter. We need more than what we or anyone else can provide that is bigger than us and the world.

When we get a taste of Christ’s grace and love, everything else seems unimportant, wasteful and grating to the senses. Awakefulness comes and we have hope and find life worth living. Now the journey has just begun, it doesn’t get easier, just meaningful. To give our disease to God we must tear down the barbed wire fence, face the vileness of our past, and start uncovering our disease to bring to God for healing. Nothing in the world will stop our innermost suffering, or alleviate the pain. Mother Siluana wrote this exchange in her book, explaining how we need to bring God in our lives in everything.

“My life has not changed!”

“Well, did you offer your life to God?”

“Yes, I’ve been praying mornings and evenings!”

“But when you felt like killing someone, did you pray?”

“Well, the last thing on my mind was prayer at the time!”

And if the last thing on our minds is to give God all that is ours so He can heal it and sanctify it, nothing will change! Only by giving to God everything I feel-hate, fear, greed, pleasure, joy-will my life change. If I don’t give Him “my material”, nothing will change.

Exposing ourselves to God and bringing to Him all of our life, not only the good and beautiful, but the ugly as well, is a continuous lifelong struggle. He takes us by the hand and helps us uncover all the pain and sickness we have buried deep inside ourselves. We might be able to hide it from our neighbors, but we can hide nothing from God. And nothing can be hid from God’s all consuming light.

"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.  But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.'  For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance."  Matthew 9:12-13

All Things must come to an End: Change

Change is inevitable… unfortunately or fortunately depending on what the change is, and the perspective and disposition of the person experiencing it.

It can be all very exhausting or at least this is how I currently feel about everything right now. Seasons roll by, one after the other, the earth, the night sky continually moving, all living things grow, mature, and die. Jobs, opportunities, ideas, health, sickness, pets, loved ones, the economy, peacetime, wartime, asleep, awake, everything is ever changing. Nothing is certain, it’s all tragic, bittersweet and exhilarating. We are so small, but we weather it all.

Photo taken at Big Bend National Park by Joseph Hendrix

Changes have a way of putting things in proper perspective. When I lost my father unexpectedly everything seemingly important became trivial and insignificant. I thought I had more time with him, I thought he would still be here to see my children become adults. Months before he passed he left me a voicemail, just a “hey its dad, call me back, love you”. Normally I would have heard it and deleted it. After he passed the message was still there and its still on my phone today. I can play it every once in while, just to hear his voice. Its been almost 4 years, but sometimes its hits me so hard how much I miss him. Especially with my venture into Orthodox Christianity this past year, I would have given anything to talk to him about it. He was in a way not just my father, but a spiritual father to me. He made me think of God and the church, the bible on a deeper level. I’ve always been religious, but always felt alone spiritually, didn’t have someone to guide me until I got closer to my father. My father was Lutheran, and he truly loved Christ and wanted to worship him properly. Would he be mad that I became Orthodox or would he be accepting, maybe become Orthodox himself?

The past several years I felt that I was in a spiritual desert so to speak, until I found Orthodoxy. Now I feel like I have been drinking from a water hose on full blast, drowning myself in Christian thought. I have found friends and family within our lovely church. I have opened up, made myself vulnerable, worked hard to shed my hardened heart and skin fashioned from being in the world. Opening up and confessing my sins to our parish priest, and every week he spoon-feeds me the body and blood of Christ for my salvation. Needless to say you get attached, well at least I do. Maybe I’m sentimental to a fault, but when our priest, without ceremony or regret, shared the news of his new job within the church and move to another part of the country, I was heartbroken. It’s not his fault I became attached to him for spiritual guidance. If my father was still here maybe I would brush it off and know that the replacement would suffice. I don’t know, I probably would still be sad.

Change is inevitable, whether I like it or not. I’m currently in the angry stage of grief, which I find to be easier than the sadness. I have no doubt I will move to the acceptance phase in time. Maybe the new priest will be more compassionate, more helpful, or maybe not. It doesn’t matter, because even he might leave one day.

Everything might change, but one thing remains the same, that would be God. Everything around you and even you will change, but you can set your anchor into Christ. It is He that hears our confession and forgives, it is He that sustains us with His body and blood, and it is He that will never leave and always be your Father. In the end, thank God for change, how can I grow and be fruitful if everything including myself is stagnant. God is perfect and never-changing, the way it should be. I am and all humanity are imperfect, but through change we can become what we were created for through Christ. If not through Christ then change is truly tragic and heartbreaking.

I’m truly grateful to my father, my husband, my step-father, my parish priest and everyone in my life, as God put them along my path. I can only hope and pray that in my existence I can bring someone closer to Christ.

Tending the Garden

Giving some thought on what it means to dissolve the ego or empty yourself. There are so many avenues available to us to attempt to achieve this goal. You can find instructions on “how to quiet the mind” or “find the inner stillness” or my personal favorite by David Goggins “Conquer your inner bitch” through drugs, meditation, physical exertion, religion, etc.

Lately I have been contemplating this from a Christian viewpoint and the following verse really grabbed my attention.

John 15:1-7

I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

What exactly does is mean to “dissolve your ego” or “conquer your inner bitch”? Is this similiar to God pruning the branches so it will produce more fruit? From a Christian viewpoint if we look at it to mean dissolving your sinful nature or conquering the passions, then the verse means we can only do these things with Christ abiding in us. We can empty ourselves, but we must fill it with goodness that can only come from God.

In a sense a gardening theme really works to explain this, at least gives a sense of what it means to live a life worth living. Sins or passions are like weeds in our garden of life that we must try to take away. Most of the time we can pull out a weed to where we no longer see it, but it is still rooted in the ground to eventually grow. Every once in a while we grab a weed out by the roots (very satisfying as the kids say). Some weeds are like trees where it takes digging and some help from others to pull it out or at least chop it down. This takes constant toiling, sweat and our hands get bloodied and torn. As we work clearing the mess, the Gardener can come and plant beautiful flowers and fruit-bearing trees. We can enjoy the sweet perfume and see the blooms, enjoy any fruit the Gardener gives us but if we stop for too long of a rest or take pride in “our” work then the weeds will take root and return. Others can come along and see the beauty unfolding before them. Most of them do not see you ripping and pulling out weeds unless they look closely. They just see the fruits, greenery and expanse of colors that is there because you invited “the Gardener” to make the land good. But the work has to be done, the soil needs to be laid bare before any good seed can be planted. It takes work and participation. The more the Gardener is able to work filling the garden with life the harder it becomes for the weeds to get established. Of course one can do the work, pulling weeds, but if the Gardener is not welcomed to sow seeds, the land remains barren and useless, an open invitation for thieves to sow destruction.

In this secular age we are so used to having all our comforts given to us that we become so numb and need more and more to experience pleasure (dopamine hits). We constantly feast and purposely fill our garden with so much junk and excess that it blocks out any light or a sense of reality. We have to purposely schedule discomfort (dieting, rigorous exercise, cold plunges, etc) in order to feel alive.

Why do men learn through pain and suffering, and not through pleasure and happiness? Very simply, because pleasure and happiness accustom one to satisfaction with the things given in this world, whereas pain and suffering drive one to seek a more profound happiness beyond the limitations of this world. -Fr Seraphim Rose

In order to “tame your inner bitch” in my mind it refers to your sinful nature. Which is actually foreign to you and not a natural state. However it feels natural that you assume it is a real part of you, which makes the process of “emptying” yourself or “weeding the garden” painful. This is why eastern religions contain a sliver of truth, it is good to quiet those foreign, nasty thought that tempt you into terrible ideas and actions. What we chose to fill it with is where there is a major difference. Don’t feel your garden with worldly joys and pleasures. Only the Gardener (Christ) is able to make the land good and fruitful. In the end, the World only offers death, but Christ offers life.

My Thoughts on Thoughts and a random poem for good measure

When dealing with intrusive thoughts most will say “you are not your thoughts”. On one hand, when dealing with thoughts, you have Elkhart Tolle who recommends eastern buddhist style meditation and on the other is what I have learned so far delving into Orthodox Christianity. Now I’ve only read a few of Elkhart Tolle’s works and never faithfully practiced what he preached. I did attempt, but it was fruitless for me. It hasn’t even been a year since I’ve started attending an Orthodox Christian Church. Needless to say I’m ignorant and not speaking with any expertise whatsoever. In Orthodoxy the sentiment is the same “you are not your thoughts”, but the remedy is to bring it to Christ.

Regardless of where it is coming from, but hearing the words “you are not your thoughts” is a tremendous relief for someone constantly bombarded with all kinds of thoughts. I joke that in my head is a 5-ring circus going at all times.

There are all kinds of thoughts that can enter ones head, good thoughts, funny thoughts, anxious thoughts, disturbing thoughts, etc. From what I understand (which is not a lot), in Orthodoxy you are not culpable for thoughts that pop up in your head, only if you start to entertain or agonize over the thoughts it could be considered possibly sinful depending on the content. And of course if it brings you to sinful action then you would be responsible for it. If you are looking at the big picture or the forest so to speak, then this is acceptable or doable to me. However, I get stuck in the weeds and muddy creeks. Consider the gospel below as well, it states you have already committed adultery if you have lust in your heart, and you are in danger of judgement for becoming angry with your brother.

Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus says "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment'.  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment."  
Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus says "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

It might be more discernible when your thoughts move to action, but it is not the case when thoughts move into ideas. Depending on the person and their constitution they will react differently to certain thoughts than another. Some might get angry thoughts, and enjoy imagining shoving an annoying person off a cliff. Others might get lustful thoughts and wonder what it would be like to kiss or touch another (that is not their spouse) they find attractive. Its easier to think about luxury goods, vacations, decadent foods and not gamble or steal, than to think of the above things and not to envy your friends that post their Hawaiian beach pictures on Facebook. Where is the line of when your thoughts move to ideas?

Basically, I’m lamenting that its hard for me not to entertain certain thoughts or even brood over the worst case scenario. For someone that imagines, fantasizes, worries, basically lives in their head, it is difficult to stop. Honestly, I don’t really know how to stop, and I feel powerless.

From I what get from Eckhart Tolle’s response to this problem, is to live in the present, and to transcend your ego. Observe your thoughts come and go and try not to delve into them. This is where meditation comes in and practicing silencing your mind. I came across a couple of interesting quotes from him “Give up defining yourself – to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you”. I think this is very similar to Christian thinking, but almost the opposite. In Christian thinking, you must die in order to live in Christ, whom is the source of life. Also, you must love others even when they hate you. Another quote from Eckhart Tolle is “Realize deeply that the present moment is all that you ever have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life”. I find it interesting because a lot of people follow his works, and they say you can follow him and still be Christian. However, his recommendation to intrusive thoughts would be to focus on the present moment in this world. As Christian we are preparing for the coming of Jesus Christ; we must be repentant and the “old man” in us must “die”.

We cannot save ourselves, we are completely powerless and must cling to Christ for salvation. Sounds so much easier than it actually is. I have to give up my wants, my desires, my worries, my plans, etc, etc. And frankly I am an addict to the dopamine hits of the physical world. Basically, I will struggle with my thoughts and ask for repentance for eternity.

I suppose this is where I bring it all to Christ and ask for guidance as I’m to weak. Lord have mercy.

In Excess

It would seem the time at Christmas and afterwards are filled with decadence and excess. What else is there to do besides buying and eating? Moderation is for wussies, its Feast or Famine!

Its February and I’m 10 pounds heavier, 10 grand poorer, and 10 scrolls closer to a mental breakdown. Okay everything was an exaggeration except I have gained 10 pounds. I am a fan of all the bodily pleasures of eating, spending and scrolling on social media. Give me those dopamine hits! Then there comes a time when it all comes crashing down and the meaningless of it knocks me down. To top it all of I’m not exactly repentant as I should be (as I’m writing this I am enveloped in my favorite cashmere cardigan). I’ve been reading the A Spiritual Psalter from works of St. Ephraim the Syrian. I saw one prayer titled “I Cannot Manage My Own Self; Grant Me the Spirit of Repetance.”

An exerpt reads

“Bad habits entagle me like snares, and I rejoice at being thus bound. I sink to the very depths of evil, and this delights me. Daily the enemy gives me new shackles, for he sees how this variety of bonds pleases me. The fact that I am bound by my own desires should provoke weeping and lamentation, shame and disgrace. And yet more terrible is the fact that I bind myself with the shackles that the enemy places upon me, and I slay myself with the passions that give him pleasure.

At first I thought it was a bit dramatic for excessive online shopping, but it’s actually quite brilliant. How often are we aware of how certain behaviors control and destroy us; yet we happily keep on trucking along. Whatever it takes to distract us from our reality.

Another excessive habit of mine is the drive to learn (or obsess) about a new skill, hobby, or really anything that sparks interest or something inside me. Christianity is not new to me, I’ve considered myself a Christian for a while now, almost a lifetime. As I mentioned in a previous blog that I stumbled my way into an Orthodox church. So of course I need to read, see, absorb any information regarding this path. This can be a good thing, nothing wrong with being passionate up to a point until it becomes excessive. The thing is I know myself, like any new romance everything is exciting and fresh, but eventually it will become a routine. I suppose I feel the need to utilize the fervor into reading everything Orthodox. As great as this all sounds, in reality I’m going too fast and feeling overwhelmed. I should have probably listened to the priest when he reminded me “that we are not in a sprint but a marathon”, and to “be prudent”.

Now having to deal with the consequences of my actions, feeling physically and mentally sluggish, spiritually heavy and the burden of debt that needs to be repaid, feasting time is over.

Scrolling endless scrolling
my fingers trained against
the worldly reflecting pool
Where are they taking me
What must I know
Will I laugh
or cry
unintelligable wasps stinging into my thoughts
a cacophony of technologic discord
endless decadence in my mouth
sweet poison infiltrating my soul

This is where I need to focus on being repentant and recoiling from worldly excesses. Great Lent is approaching so what could be more perfect time to reflect on and live in actual reality. That I am a broken being living in a broken world, but made whole again through Christ.

75 Hard to Orthodox Christianity?

In my past posts I talk a lot about different fitness/wellness/diet routines I have tried to manage anxiety. This is something I’m still interested in, but had an interesting experience last spring with a challenge called a “75 Hard”.

I had heard of this challenge for a while, it comes and goes like most trends. It is a challenge conjured by Andy Frisella to not only strengthen you physically, but mentally. When I read through the rules the first few times, I dismissed it because it would be too difficult with my schedule. The rules are relatively simple, but if you take a deep dive on the facebook group or internet be prepared to get confused. For example, I was adding flavorless electrolyte drops to my water, and some people in the Facebook group considered that a cheat. If you workout outdoors, but underneath an awning or cover that is considered a cheat. Besides hoping the exercise would improve my anxiety, I wanted to improve my mental strength. My ability to control some of my impulses is lacking.

The challenge can be extremely difficult depending on your work schedule, family life and general health. My husband was very supportive, and he took on more duties at home to help free up some time. I couldn’t imagine being able to complete 75 days of this without the support of my family. On day 20 I decided I failed because I had 1 caffeinated chocolate square at work to help me stay awake. My husband was visibly disappointed, as it meant that I would need to start the challenge over on day 1. We joke now that I did a “95 Hard”. The daily workouts varied from rucking outside, lifting weights at the gym, yoga at home, jumping on a mini trampoline with weights. A few times it was pouring rain when I walked outside, some nice people stopped and asked me if I needed a ride. They looked baffled when I told them I was working out. I found that I rather enjoyed walking in the rain. I would say the most difficult aspect of the challenge was drinking the gallon of water daily. Which seems silly because going into it I thought that would be one of the easier tasks to complete. Be prepared to take multiple trips to the bathroom. God help you if you forget to manage your water intake during the day so you chug 1 gallon before bed.

The challenge is beneficial in that you do learn a few things about yourself. I learned that I can workout gladly all day long, but I absolutely hate restricting my diet. Also, that I have way to many half naked selfies at the end of this challenge.

Did my anxiety magically go away at the end? Did I turn into a female David Goggins? Short answer is no, but the challenge was not unfruitful. At the end of it, I had a thought come up in my mind that bothered me, “if I took Christianity as seriously as I did this challenge a stranger came up with then maybe I would be in a better place”.

At the end of the day there is no magic solution to managing my anxiety. Yes, exercising helps, avoiding overly processed foods helps, eliminating excessive clutter helps, meditation, sensory deprivation, cold showers, etc., might all help, but anxiety still hangs over me. I still live in this world with all its problems and placing worldly woes above Christ has caused more needless suffering. If I consider myself a “Christian” and truly believe in the teachings of the gospel then I should be serious about it. After realizing that I had placed Christ in a neat box that I only opened up on Sunday, I decided to make a change. This is how I stumbled into the Eastern Orthodox Church. In a rather odd way the 75 hard challenge led me to Eastern Orthodoxy. If I’m going to live by rules or challenges in my daily life I’d much rather it lead me closer to God.

Am I going to church looking for a miracle expecting my anxiety to disappear? I would say I expect to suffer worldly sorrows, but if having anxiety is my “cross” to bear then I will pick it up and follow Christ. I will focus on the glimpses of peace and joy that grace brings and not on my anxieties.

An Ode to Coffee with Cream

Starting the New Year on a humerous note. I was contemplating the wonders of coffee with cream as I was sipping black coffee. Black coffee is just not the same, it needs cream and nothing else. Going without something you throughly enjoy does make you appreciate it more. I will have black coffee today, and tomorrow go back to adding cream to it. Tomorrow will be a great day!

Heaven is flowing
with coffee and cream

Sweet aroma fills the air
Gurling sounds of a new day

Thick, luscious emultion
Swirling, transforming
Bitterness into pure joy

Panic! It’s Life.

This will most likely be many posts about anxiety since it almost runs my life. It is a bit pathetic to admit most of my life’s decisions in the past 12 years had to take in account my anxiety disorder. It seems weak that I’m even writing about it, as most of the modern world struggles with anxiety in one form or another. It’s not a talent, it’s not a special condition, I am just like every other person living in this toxic world.

Anxiety comes and goes like ocean waves. Sometimes the water is nice and calm, other times a bit choppy, then there are the times the waves are relentlessly crashing over you, while undercurrents of despair threaten to pull you under. The comparison of the feeling of anxiety coming and going like ocean waves inspired the poem written at the bottom.

I had a few good years of controlling my anxiety until this last summer. Maybe I experienced too much change at one time, new job, new routines, new church. Most of this was self-inflicted, did I really need to change churches? Did I really need to go for a promotion? Everything is great, going so good, then why the hell was I in turmoil. For me once I have one panic attack then it’s all downhill from there. Its basically a train wreck, first the collision then one by one every car derails. Church was the hardest, I could hardly stay in the sanctuary. I thought for a sure I was possessed and it was only a matter of time before I started crawling on all fours yelling obscenities. (Luckily this hasn’t happened yet). I prayed to God, please take this from me, I’ll be good this time. Which is a lie, I would easily fall into the material world as soon as I felt normal again.

Eventually I did reach out for help, which has been a learning experience for me. Independence is a cherished value in our culture. A person that is self-sufficient, a “go-getter” and shrewd are qualities that one aspires to be in this world. Honestly, I wanted to rely on myself because people are a disappointment. My experience has been once you open up to someone and become dependent, they will just stab you in back eventually. Basically I just wait around, expecting to be let down. This is why religion is so important. People will let you down, but if you practice forgiveness the relationship can be repaired. You will let others down, but if they forgive you then your suffering will be lessened. Only through Christ can we attain peace, even if the world falls apart around you, and others spit upon you metaphorically. I’m trying to be better, I feel inadequate as a wife, as a friend, as a mother. Striving to follow Christ’s example I clumsily put away my rebellious and independent nature. I’m learning to depend on others and be a type of person that others can depend on me. It’s not going to take away my anxiety, but at least I can bear it a little easier.

Anxiety

Stranded in a vast ocean of unchecked thoughts
little doubts lapping against my cheek
tides of childhood disappointments rising up
flooding the present with uncharitable gifts
I can't see
There is no island of refuge, no hope remains
tendrils of despair
wrapping its flames across my neck
slowly tightening little by little
heavily weighing ounce by ounce
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't breathe
I can't

Shine down on me my Lord
Salty skin
sea weed ensnared hair
a wretched being
basking in a sliver of light

Mary Poem

The Virgin of The Rocks by Leonardo da Vinci

Oh Mary! Please teach me to be like you

Your faith unshakable As you unravel the destruction left by Eve’s selfish desires Submitting to God’s will Without doubt Without sedition Enduring scorn How loathsome you are in the eyes of men Who know not the life you carry Your womb is more spacious than the heavens As weak, withered hearts issue whispers of disgust Your joy cannot be extinguished Trusting completely in God’s love

Your sacrifice incomprehensible How do you completely love How do you completely give Your child so lovely Your child so perfect Given to the world to mock Given to the world drowning in hateful conceit Never leaving, always present as your heart is impaled on a tree

If I could be a mother like you If I could be a lover like you But instead I cower Afraid to live Afraid to give

My God pour out your patience Pour out your grace Root out Eve’s chaos from my spirit And give unto me a clean heart

Written by Amanda Nielsen

2 Meals a Day – Preparations

“Two Meals a Day” by Mark Sisson with Brad Kearns promises to be a “simple, sustainable strategy to lose fat, reverse aging, and break free from diet frustration forever”.

I’ve tried it all Paleo, Whole 30, Keto, No-Sugar, low-carb, and my favorite diet, eat whatever the hell I want. Just a disclaimer, I am not overweight, and not seeking a diet to lose a lot of weight. Of course I wouldn’t mind a few pounds of fat to melt off, but I’m really searching for something to help me feel mentally and physically healthy. I have not tried intermittent fasting (IF), which brings me to this book. I have read “Primal Blueprint” also by Mark Sisson, so I am a little familiar with the author. He doesn’t come across as a diet dictator that makes you feel like a failure if you indulge during the holidays.

This book seems to offer not only IF, but couples it with a “primal (or paleo)” style of eating. Although Paleo does allow for natural sweeteners, such as honey, agave syrup, but this is strongly discouraged in “Two Meals a Day”. The gist of the diet is as follows:

-Avoid the “Big Three”: sugar, grains and industrial seed oils.

-Intermittent Eating (or Fasting) – hence the name of the book “Two Meals a Day”. Most common way is skipping breakfast, but depends on your preference and lifestyle.

-Yes to working out (although nothing crazy intense). He mentions calculating your maximum aerobic function (MAF) heart rate (180 minus age) and not exceeding that heart rate in your workouts. I have actually done this during runs, using a smartwatch, prior to reading this book and it really does make you slow it down. For more information look up Phil Maffetone.

-Yes to mindfulness, keeping gratitude journals and regular daily journals.

-Yes to cold exposure and active leisure activities

A few things that I have found a little annoying about the book (and it may or may not be bothersome to you) is some items he mentions might not be in your budget. For example, it is hard for me to purchase all grass-fed beef, organic chicken, a chest heart-rate monitor and the wine he recommended from Dry Farm Wines. Granted he did try to list budget friendly items, but eating real food is already expensive enough. If you are limited on funds and want to eat right, just try to the best you can. Purchase what you can afford, might not be all organic, grass-fed, free-range, free-trade, and that is okay.

In the book, there is the 12 day turbocharge to help your body acclimate to Intermittent Fasting. You do not want to start fasting off the bat, especially if you are eating the Standard American Diet (SAD).

I plan on starting the 12 day turbocharge on Monday, I plan on writing about each day as well. I have read what the 12 day turbocharge entails and can say I will not be doing the 24 hour fast on day 12. Or at least I’m giving myself an out because I am still nursing my 1 year old. More to come, please follow if you want to read about my progress.