When you are expecting, feeling a life growing inside you can be the most wonderful feeling ever. Nothing is more truly amazing then feeling a little one move, hiccup, kick you in the kidneys or under a rib….Yet it can also be an incredibly exciting, scary, anxiety ridden time.
My pregnancies have all progressed with minimal issues and produced healthy babies. For that, I am extremely thankful and count my blessings every day. So how could it be, after delivering a healthy baby into the world, I could be depressed or anxious? The hormone flux that happens after birth is very real. After delivering my third child my doctor mentioned that I should expect to feel a bit weepy. I already knew that for the first two weeks after delivering that I would basically be “out of my mind”. This is what happened after the first two childbirths. It was different with number 3, I found it hard to minimally function. It was all I could do just to take care of the baby. We only had a few visitors at the hospital, but it felt like a big ordeal to keep the illusion of holding it together. These were people that I trusted and cared for, not strangers. Luckily my husband was with me for most of the time as the older children were with their grandparents. For some reason taking care of the baby was easy, but taking care of myself, like going to the bathroom, showering, felt intensely difficult. It didn’t get better when I got home. It felt like a literal weight was on top of me. It was a chore to get out of bed or eat something. Hell, just sitting at the dining room table was an achievement.
This was the time I realized I needed to do something. I talked to my physician’s nurse over the phone and got a prescription for Prozac. I didn’t want to take medications because I was breastfeeding, but I had to do something. From what I researched on the internet, most anti-depressants are relatively safe during breastfeeding. I do prefer to treat my anxiety and/or depression with diet, exercise, meditation (I haven’t been good at this one), etc. But, its kind of hard to exercise when showering drains you of all energy. Granted I just had a baby so being tired and overwhelmed is expected; however, I knew this felt different. I say all this because I think its important to reach out when the blues turns into something dark and bleak. This post is just one of many opinions out there on treating anxiety and depression. Lots of folks want to tell you to exercise at least 30 minutes a day and eat vegetables to ward off the blues. Unfortunately it is not so simple. What are you going to do if you can’t physically get out of bed or want to eat? Sometimes it is necessary to take antidepressants, anti-anxiety or other medications. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for needing medications or therapy!
For me anti-depressants are not a panacea for my anxiety or depression. They really just take the edge off, so I can exercise, eat healthy, meditate, etc. I do hope to taper off my medicine eventually, but I do not feel the need to rush it. For others taking medications will be life-long. This is something that needs to be discussed with one’s physician or mental health professional.
I would love to be able to cure my anxiety/depression. But for now I am always looking to find ways to manage it effectively.
My next adventure will be to check out the sensory deprivation tank! This will either put me on the fast track to a relaxing, meditative state or a full-fledged panic attack. Stay tuned…..
Writings from behind the Pine Curtain 